Cheap drunks 1: Best wines for under £5

The first wine in the Cheap drunks series is the Stormhoek Pinotage. Empangeni girl makes a beeline for the saffa wine. Tescos £4.99.

A cheap saffa wine with a fancy French name added to it that will make you look posh at any dinner party. Throw around words like wild berry first nose, mild attack and balanced tannins to impress the chicks.

Empangeni girl says: "OMG who let loose the vinegar but by the second glass I no longer care."

Drinkability factor: ***1/2, Leg opener factor: ###